


eternity

by fiveyaaas



Series: when autumn comes [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Dark Number Five | The Boy, Dark Vanya Hargreeves, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Friends to Lovers, I hope you enjoy it, I might be excessively tagging this, I wrote the fucked up mutual pining romcom, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Murder, Mutual Pining, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Oh also, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pseudo-Incest, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, To clarify, Torture, Tragically Pining Idiots, Vaginal Sex, also this is for liv tysm for all your fics😭, but I’m just trying to make sure nobody gets uncomfortable, five tortures someone that was going to hurt vanya, it’s a necessary tag here RIP sorry, please still read all tags/warnings, that you had asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: Five saw the way she flinched from the man in front of her, saw the way she flicked her gaze to Five’s as if she’d become uncomfortably aware of his noticing, saw the way she gulped- out of fear of what Five would do or the other man’s proximity to her, he didn’t know. He did know that it was supposed to be their night, the night that was holy in the sense that it was their connection to one another, the tether to their bond, the night that the universe had thrust them  together. He knew that he would kill this man as a present to himself. It was his birthday, after all.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: when autumn comes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941919
Comments: 22
Kudos: 127
Collections: Harcest Fall Festival: Fiveya Kinktober 2020





	eternity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [light_loves_the_dark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/light_loves_the_dark/gifts).



> This is for Liv!!! I hope you enjoy this because you are bringing back asshole president Five in exchange, and I sincerely hope I earned him with this horribly fucked up romcom fic🤧 
> 
> To everyone reading: Please make sure to check the tags. Five will absolutely torture/kill a guy that was attempting to rape Vanya, so please read through all tags and make sure it will not upset you to read!!!

He hated it when she did this. The blank look she’d get after they fucked, how her fingers would twitch like she wanted to move her hand closer, wrap it around him. Then, she would halt. 

Each time, his heart would pound, like if it slammed hard enough against his chest, she’d take it in her hands. If she closed her small fist around the organ, turned it into confetti, at least he would see her have it in her grasp.

Instead, she’d pull her underwear back on, shove on her clothes, and tell him she’d see him later. Today, it was a little easier to see her walk away, knowing that she had orchestra practice, that she at least had a direction she was being pulled to, rather than walking any direction that led her away from him. 

The first times she’d disentangled their bodies before curling to his side, he’d been more desperate, more willing to beg her to stay with him. Now, as she rolled away from him, daintily wiping his cum off her leg as she did, he just lazily followed her movements with his eyes. He’d conditioned himself into this, to make himself look completely nonchalant for the reward that came later tonight. 

But it hurt especially today. There was a distinct reason why, he knew. Well, two distinct reasons. The first was that she had slept over the night before, having tired herself out again from work plus the constant training she’s had to upkeep since they’d stopped the apocalypse. He’d thought that her spending the night meant she wanted something more, but, when she resumed the ritual this morning after sleeping in his bed, he realized he’d been a fool. 

There was another reason, of course, but he didn’t want to think about it. 

“You’ll be here tonight?” Five asked, unable to stop himself. She blushed, nodding quickly. He clamped down on the desire to smile at her. Instead, he nodded curtly in turn, closing his eyes like he intended to fall back to sleep. Truly, he just didn’t want to see the door of his bedroom as it closed behind her. 

He groaned when he heard the front door of his apartment shut, stomach churning as he buried his face into his pillow. It smelled like her hair, the cheap and fragrant smell of the conditioner she’d used since they were young. If he kept his eyes closed, he could pretend she was still there. 

Maybe he could visit her at her rehearsal today, one that was open to the public. He could surprise her, say he had free time. Yes, he would do that. Without conscious thought to his actions, he sent an email to his students, saying his lectures would be cancelled today. He got off his bed, teleporting to the mansion’s kitchen and scooping up the coffee Allison had left out for him. 

Of course, once he took it, successfully falling into the trap his sister had created, she materialized behind him. “Feels like you’re the one who can teleport sometimes,” he drawled, gulping down the much-needed caffeine fix. 

“Are you okay?” Allison asked, reaching over to touch his shoulder but stopping as he flinched away. Sizing up his annoyed look, she continued, “I  _ knew _ today would be hard for you. You need to tell her.”

Five scoffed, “Right. Very astute,  _ Three.  _ We have always been very touchy-feely in this cult, talking about feelings just comes so  _ naturally _ to us.”

Allison raised her brows. “You think Luther and I got to where we are without any communication?”

Five rolled his eyes. “She wouldn’t believe me, Allison. You know that.” 

She sealed her lips shut, looking away. Five had no troubles speaking to Allison; she was one of the more intelligent among them. If he was being generous with all of his former, fellow cult members, he would say that all of them were  _ intelligent,  _ but only a few of them could apply it practically to the world. Between them all, there was not even a lick of emotional intelligence, and he was big enough to admit that statement included himself. Allison was bright enough that she’d gained some insight into handling emotions, necessitating it for both a short stint with motherhood and a career that required at least  _ some _ likability when she tried to get roles, though she didn’t require it as much as most mothers and actors.

“Vanya and I are just in a very different position,” Five added, softening his voice. All he had wanted for many years was the ability to interact with his family, and he didn’t want to burn any bridges with his callous nature. 

If there was one good thing about the shitty situation he had landed in with Vanya, it was the fact that he had learned a few lessons in patience. 

“I know,” Allison sighed. “It can be… rough.”

“Have you thought of having children besides Claire?” Five blurted, mentally chiding himself. 

Allison glanced at her feet, “I don’t know if Luther could even… I don’t even know if I’d want it, Five. It would feel like I was trying to  _ replace  _ my daughter.”

He held himself back from asking what was so wrong with that, keeping the coffee at his lips so he could have an excuse for not speaking. Even though he was making a genuine effort to understand and be a good companion to the others, there were some things that he genuinely did not understand as far as what they considered amoral. Five was well aware that if he voiced some of the thoughts he had on a regular basis, they would be clued into what was evidently a very clear disparity between them and himself. Living in nearly complete solitude for decades had forced him to abandon certain ways of thinking, and he was well aware that made him morally gray in ways that would displease all of them. So, he held his lips shut to keep from speaking in a way that all of them would abandon him. 

A thought, unprovoked and unbidden, came to his mind, and, not thinking, he interrupted whatever Allison was saying to ask, “Do you think Vanya would want to be with me if I was a better person?”

Allison scowled. “Maybe she’d want to be with you if you were a better listener.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that,” Five said, wringing his fingers together absently as he mused aloud. “I always listen to her.”

“Why did you even bother bringing up Claire if you were going to talk about your relationship problems?”

“Huh?” 

Allison rolled her eyes, and he wanted to ask what he’d done wrong before he remembered that he’d just ignored her when she was expressing concerns over having another child.  _ Oh.  _

“I’m sorry, Allison,” he said quickly. 

She flicked a brow up. “I will say, you’re approximately 10% more likable under Vanya’s influence. When we were young, I’m pretty sure you’d never apologized for anything.”

He shrugged; he probably hadn’t to _ Allison.  _ That lay more in the fact that they’d never gotten along once their personalities truly developed, two overly-confident, intelligent, alpha types never did clash well together. Luther and Vanya were both humble, despite both being bright, so Five and Allison had found much easier solace in them. 

“Do you think she’d be mad if I went to the open rehearsal today?” Five found himself asking. 

“No, I don’t,” Allison told him. “But you owe me lunch and a  _ genuine  _ conversation after blowing off this one.” 

He nodded, “Fair enough.” 

“Can I hug you before you go?”

“No.” 

She frowned but respected his response. Physical contact, for the most part, still caused a wave of anxiety to cloud his thoughts. Unwarranted and unwarned about, physical contact led to him lashing out. He remembered the genuine horror in the other’s eyes as he’d wrapped his hands against Klaus’s throat when he’d tried to hug him from behind without warning. He’d blinked from the mansion, not letting any of them inside his apartment while he tried to calm down until they asked Vanya to knock. She’d silently taken his hand, and he’d taken off her clothes, fucking her and ignoring the racing of his thoughts that had contemplated if Vanya would have considered the mishap the final straw and call their arrangement off completely. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” Five told Allison, awkwardly patting her head in hopes that it would assuage her  _ need _ for physical contact. They weren’t alike in every way, and this was one place where they did differ. 

“Talk to Vanya,” she called out before he gathered energy into his fist and landed outside of Icarus. 

A disgruntled millennial looked on in shock, probably remembering the  _ J-14  _ articles about “Who is Number Five’s ideal girlfriend?” that he’d had to resist the urge to spit out  _ ‘my fellow cult member, who you’d call my sister, that has been hidden from the public eye in an attempt of my cult leader, or father if you’d like, to make her hate herself”  _ in the interviews leading up to its publication. Five smirked at the person, blinking unnecessarily inside the theater just to see them gape at the use of his powers. 

He landed in the opened proscenium theatre, settling into a seat. Vanya, now first chair, didn’t notice him, but he didn’t begrudge her for it as she was focusing hard on her music. He set his palms on his knees, tipping subconsciously forward, wondering if she struggled to contain her powers as she played so beautifully. He remembered her playing for him when they were young, and he thought of how much she’d grown as a performer since then. There was a lightness and confidence in the way she played that made him want to both inform her of his pride in her personal growth and fuck her on the stage for all of her orchestra to see. 

The rehearsal ended an hour and a half later, Five watching in rapt attention to her the entire time. As the instrumentalists started gathering up their rockstops, rosin, and cases, he teleported to the side of the stage, well-hidden in the shadows. He scowled distastefully at one of the cellos, remembering his brief stint at eleven or twelve when he’d tried to concurrently learn piano and the cello, thinking surely one of them he could have picked up and had a bridge connecting him to ordinary Number Seven. There was only one bridge connecting them, and he’d fervently desired just a single other, lest that bridge somehow impossibly be burned. 

He supposes, in some ways, it had. Allison was right that this day would be rough, not just for what it meant but the isolation it put him in among the only people he loved. 

Five cocked his head as the conductor called Vanya’s name. Silently, with a stealth he’d learned as a child and perfected as an assassin, he got within hearing range, knowing the conductor absolutely wouldn’t notice. Vanya’s ears pricked at the movement, long ago attuned to his heartbeat, and she stiffened. He wondered why she wouldn’t want him to see this. 

“I’ve listened to your excuses long enough, Vanya,” the man said. “I am tired of hearing them. There is a reason you are first chair, and we both know it has nothing to do with your talent.”

Five saw the way she flinched from the man in front of her, saw the way she flicked her gaze to Five’s as if she’d become uncomfortably aware of his noticing, saw the way she gulped- out of fear of what Five would do or the other man’s proximity to her, he didn’t know. He did know that it was supposed to be their night, the night that was holy in the sense that it was their connection to one another, the tether to their bond, the night that the universe had thrust them together. He knew that he would kill this man as a present to himself. It was his birthday, after all.

“I would say her talent is strong enough to warrant a significant donation to this theater, actually,” Five layered his voice thickly with a condescension only a billionaire’s child could hold. He would donate to the theater, he guessed, consider it an indulgence for the way he’d soon torture the man in front of him. Five knew what this man wanted from Vanya, knew that she was afraid of him despite having powers. 

It suddenly occurred to him  _ why _ she was afraid, and his lips curled into a snarl. Leonard had used her chair placement against her too, hadn’t he? 

The one thing Vanya could ever gain confidence from, the one thing that was ever truly hers alone, the one thing that she  _ earned  _ and worked for her all her life was her violin. And here it was, again, being used against her. 

The conductor backtracked immediately. Five suspected he would, there never was enough funding to arts and Five had a distinct air of affluence surrounding him. As he listened to the man’s fumbled attempts at schmoozing with obvious irritation, Vanya shot him a reprimanding look. He twitched his lips up, ever so slightly, completely unrecognizable to the conductor. Vanya didn’t need to worry about this man any longer, didn’t she understand? He’d suppressed these urges for a long time, sure, but this was Vanya’s  _ safety.  _ Surely, she’d understand. 

Five interrupted the man smoothly, not having listened to him at all before then, “I have somewhere else to be, but I’ll be in touch shortly.” 

Vanya frowned sharply, and he stalked off, watching her wait until the conductor was out of sight before clambering towards him. Oddly, it reminded him of a time she’d followed them around like a lost puppy, and he slung his arm around her and slowed his pace, silently letting her know that he was there now. That he wouldn’t let her be alone any longer. 

“You aren’t going to make him kinder to me by donating a shit ton of money,” Vanya grumbled, and he stifled a smile. 

“ _ That _ wasn’t my intention.”

“Are you going to try to get them to hire someone else?” 

“Something like that,” he smiled, kissing the top of her head. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

“Don’t you have classes today?”

“I’m free except for from four to…. maybe six?” It was certainly a much shorter death that he’d be giving than was warranted, but he wouldn’t want to miss out on celebrating their birthday together. 

“Alright, how much time does that leave us?” 

He checked his watch. “Maybe four hours and thirty minutes?” 

“Could we get take-out and…?” She trailed off, blushing brilliantly. Five felt his lips pull into a smile, despite himself. It was sweet, how she’d still act embarrassed about asking for sex. He wanted to work her up for hours, wanted her to not only be confident in asking for it, wanted her to be  _ commanding  _ about it. He wanted her to beg him and order him until the only flush on her cheeks was from desire, not misplaced embarrassment. 

He was a little busy today, intending for the conductor to beg for him to kill him while he tortured him in his allotted free time, instead. He’d have to make it worse, for the conductor denying him the right to hear his Vanya whimper and plead for him to let her come on their most important day. 

He knew, deep down, that these thoughts of violence would soon spiral. Part of him wanted to let that spiral happen, let himself embrace the blood and darkness, but… He was trying to change. He wanted to be a better person for his family, for  _ Vanya,  _ and he would only indulge this instinct because it was an instinct that  _ protect _ ed her. He didn’t want to be a killer, but if it meant protecting the few people in this world that he loved, he’d kill without any thought to it at all. 

“Are you okay?” Vanya interrupted his train of thought, and he glanced down at her guiltily. She touched his forearm, gently, “What is it, Five?”

“Do you think I’m a monster?” Five blurted, stomach churning at the concept.

“Because you were an assassin?”

“That,” Five said. “And… I’ve just. I would still kill readily, V. Does that… bother you? Do you think less of me?”

“I killed seven and a half billion people, Five,” Vanya said, voice a harsh, sad staccato. “I have no room to talk.”

“But you didn’t  _ want _ to,” he countered. 

“I don’t know what I wanted then,” Vanya told him bluntly. “I  _ do  _ know that I still think sometimes… Okay, when you see on the news about someone running an animal fighting ring? Or a serial rapist? There’s just this recurring thought that I get where I think ‘I could go and kill them, and they would never hurt something innocent again.’ I don’t know if that’s a bad or good thought, but I know that I think of how easily I could kill people who hurt people and creatures who are entirely defenseless.” 

“I think it’s pretty normal,” Five said. “When you have a power like you do, to think that way. I also don’t think good or bad really mean a lot, considering they’re entirely subjective.”

“You’re going to kill my conductor, aren’t you?” Vanya asked. “It’s why you’re asking that, right?”

Five stopped walking, opening his mouth but unable to find words. His heart was racing and stuttering, and he knew she could hear it. It was a good enough answer for her, apparently, as she added, quietly, “If it helps, I’m not the first… that he’s taken interest in. He uses his power over us to…”

She didn’t complete her thought, but he knew what she was saying. 

It was peculiar- how her knowing made him feel conflicted at all. 

“You don’t have to tell me what you do,” Vanya said, lacing her fingers through his. “I don’t want the details. Just know, that if you gave into that… desire, I wouldn’t think less of you at all.”

Five didn’t know how he could possibly feel the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders when she said those words, but he did. 

“Five?”

“Yeah?” 

“There’s something I want to talk about… later, though. If that’s okay?”

He squeezed her hand, “Of course. You haven’t...?”

Five wasn’t sure what he was asking. He couldn’t begrudge her if she had hurt somebody, not at all, but he didn’t want her to feel like she had to shoulder that burden alone ever. 

“It’s nothing like that,” she said quickly. “It’s more. Uh. A personal problem.”

Five’s heart skipped a beat, “Are you sick? Or-“

“It’s nothing bad,” Vanya assured him. “I just want it to be a private conversation, okay?”

He nodded, worry not eased in the slightest, but he respected her want for privacy. 

“Do you want to meet up later?” Vanya asked. “That way we won’t be interrupted at all?”

“You knew I was going-“

“I don’t want details unless you need to give them,” she cut him off again. “But, yeah, I’m not an idiot, Five.”

Five didn’t know what to say to Vanya’s insistence that she was fine with this. “I don’t want to be a killer.” His voice sounded weak to his own ears. 

She glanced around, “I don’t want you to be if you don’t want to be, Five, and if you need me to stop you at any point when I think you’re losing control, I can.”

“I don’t want you to see that,” he snapped, much too venomous, but he was overwhelmed at the thought. “I’m sorry. I just. Don’t want that. Seven, you’re the person that brings out the only slivers of humanity I’ve retained in a life of isolation and then killing. I can’t stand the thought of corrupting-“

“Five, I’m not innocent, and you know, deep down, that it’s bullshit to think I am,” Vanya’s voice was matter-of-fact. “If you’re done with killing, I’ll make sure you stop. If you’re not, I won’t judge you for it. I’m your best friend, and that’s not going to change for anything.”

He blinked. “I want you to tell me to stop the  _ second  _ you see me losing whatever quality that made you believe in me this much in the first place.”

She laughed, probably absurdly nonchalant for what they were talking about, “No amount of killing would make me stop caring about you, Five.” 

“Give me two hours,” Five told her, deciding he’d take her up on the offer she’d made to meet up later. “Do you want to wait to eat until I’m done?” 

“I’ll eat while you’re busy,” Vanya said quickly. “Do you want me to get anything for you?”

“I’ll eat before I go back. My place, right?” 

She nodded. “I’ve got my key, so we’re good.”

She stood up on her toes, kissing his stubbled cheek, which he leaned into, not wanting to disentangle, her voice held a sultry quality that sent a shiver down his spine. “Don’t take too long, okay?”

He nodded, gulping. She hailed a cab before slinking away, tossing her hair and turning back to grin at him widely. Once she was driving off, he blinked back to Icarus. 

The conductor was easy to find, easy to grab from behind, easy to be knocked out from suffocation. It was almost boring, how simple it was. He blinked his limp body to the Hargreeves’ mansion, in a room that he imagined hadn’t seen use in years, that haunted him to this day. Five wondered if he chose it as a means to punish himself, to remind himself what this made him if he went too far. 

It took the man the predictable amount of time to come to consciousness, and by that point, Five had already grabbed the tools he’d needed. He chose a scalpel, plucking it up from a dust-covered cabinet. 

“Don’t bother trying to run,” Five commented as the conductor came to life before him, wiping the dust from the surgical tool on his clothes. “It won’t get you anywhere, I promise.”

“You’re the man from earlier,” the conductor noted. 

“How astute of you to notice,” Five drawled. “I’m also the brother of the woman you were trying to take advantage of, which is what should be the thing that  _ truly  _ concerns you.”

Five hadn’t even sliced his skin, and the man had already pissed his pants. Despite himself, Five snorted in amusement. “You’re very lucky she’s at my apartment waiting for me, or else I’d have drawn this out much longer.”

“You don’t have to do this,” the man insisted. “Would your little sister want you doing this? How disgusted would she be if she-“

Five lashed out, running the blade underneath the man’s jaw, drawing a small ribbon blood while he whimpered below him. “Do  _ not  _ presume anything about my little sister,” Five sneered. “Do not  _ dare _ imply you know her better than me. She knows that I’m here. She knows that I’m going to kill you, and she’ll be waiting for me to come home and fuck her anyways. And the fact that you would  _ ever  _ imply that my little sister would be disgusted by me ensures that when my cock is inside of her, I will be covered in your blood.” 

The man was panting, staring at him with wide eyes, and Five asked calmly, “How many people did you take advantage of this way?”

The man didn’t speak. Five drew the blade in deeper. 

“What number would my little sister have been?” Five spat. “Would you have gone on with this, huh? Would you have still preyed on more victims after you had your way with her?”

The man grunted in pain. “Eight. She would have been number eight.”

“And would you have stopped after number eight?” Five breathed, voice taking on a quality disturbingly similar to when he would edge Vanya for hours on end, except it was for an entirely different reason. Both were completely primal qualities about himself, but this was one he didn’t take pride in. 

At least, not when he killed most people.

This man, simply put, was a dreg to society, deplorable, and he wanted to hurt  _ Vanya.  _

Five had absolutely no guilt for thinking he should be dead.

It was as he had the thought that the man shook his head, confirming that Vanya wouldn’t have even been the last one.

On some sick level, Five had to know  _ why  _ he chose Vanya, of all people. It wasn’t that he  _ wanted _ to know. It was that he wanted the man to admit it before Five brutally killed him, so he wouldn’t feel any remorse when it was over. 

He didn’t deserve his remorse. 

“Why Vanya?” Five asked, pressing the cold scalpel against the man’s cheek, letting the blade sit uncomfortably near his eyes. Vanya hated going to the eye doctor, she told him once, said that she was squeamish even when just getting the pressure in her eyes checked. He’d tell Vanya nothing about this. She didn’t want to be burdened with the details, and he wouldn’t give them. 

He closed his eyes for just a moment. She would still care for him once this was over. How freeing it was to have that knowledge. He loved Vanya, and he couldn’t bear to be something that she couldn’t. She didn’t love him, he knew, but he could hope that one day, just one day-

“She’s small,” the man cut into his thoughts. “And shy. Didn’t seem to have a lot of people who cared about her, so I figured she wouldn’t be missed. She was a little more resilient, thought I might have to-“

Five was pretty certain he blacked out for a second. One second the man was speaking, the next second he was screaming out in pain.

Five had castrated him. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“What the fuck is wrong with  _ you?  _ What the fuck did you think I was going to do? A  _ normal  _ brother would do that if you said that about their sister. Why the fuck would you think that  _ I _ wouldn’t?”

“You’re a sick bastard,” the man grunted. 

Five rolled his eyes. “No, I think what I did just now was probably one of the least sick things I have ever done. Besides, why do you care? You’re gonna die soon anyways.”

“Why not just kill me now?”

He had a point, _but-_

“I want you to admit that Vanya is a talented violinist,” Five said, circling the man and taking note of the blood splattered on the floor. He imagined that Grace would come down here, mutter something along the lines of ‘boys will be boys’ and clean it up with bleach. Body disposal came in handy for Reginald, so Grace would undoubtedly be programmed to think nothing of it. 

“You want me to do  _ what?” _

Five’s face curled into a rictus grin. “I want you to admit that Vanya is a talented violinist. That she got that position on merit, and that her being first chair had nothing to do with your dick and everything to do with her deserving it.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m a man deeply, deeply in love, which would obviously disgust somebody incapable of that emotion like yourself,” Five said calmly. “Also, I know that Vanya is talented, brilliant, and excellent at that instrument. She could take down the world with that thing if she wanted. So you’re going to tell me that Vanya is a talented violinist.”

“Of course she is talented,” the man’s voice, oddly, had the quality of when he was blubbering before to get cash for Icarus. Fuck, Five was going to have to make that donation tomorrow. He’d have to call his bank-

“I couldn’t have given her that chair placement if she hadn’t met the requirements for it.”

“And why didn’t you tell  _ her  _ that?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” 

It was. 

“Well, then,” Five said, shoving the man’s head down and shoving apart his clamped jaw. “You should’ve told her she was talented if she really was. She deserves to know she’s good. Her confidence has never been great...”

The man was staring at him in complete horror, perhaps realizing by this point that he was as unhinged as he was letting on. This man was seriously a  _ moron.  _

Cutting out his tongue was really just doing a service to the earth in not letting him speak. 

When the man was no longer able to speak, though, Five started to wonder what it would mean for himself. Killing this man wasn’t the problem, not at all. During his time as an assassin, he’d killed multiple predators in his off-time on a mission, treating it as a sort of warm-up. Even if he was in time periods that they wouldn’t have been able to hurt his family, he didn’t have qualms in killing them. 

The problem was that Five was supposed to be  _ done  _ with killing. Yes, this man was deplorable, but wasn’t he deplorable for torturing him? What did hurting this man mean for  _ him? _

He didn’t want to be the kind of person his family wouldn’t care for. 

Vanya said that she would care for him no matter what, but she had never seen him at his _ worst.  _

Five slit the man’s throat, letting the blood spray out against his skin, and teleported to his apartment. 

Vanya glanced up in confusion, udon noodles poking out of her mouth. She quickly chewed up what she was eating and swallowed. Apparently, she hadn’t expected him to be there that soon, but the sight of her in just her panties, a messily made ponytail, and an oversized t-shirt she’d nicked from his closet was calming in its domesticity. “Hey,” Five said weakly. 

She set down the take-out container. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, furrowing his brow and glancing down. Why did the shame have to come now?

But Vanya was holding his hands on her own. She’d sidled up to him while he’d tried to calm his breathing, and now she’d let her hands be grasped in his. “Nothing’s changed for me,” she promised. “Nothing at all. I just don’t want you to hurt like you do now.”

He closed his eyes. 

“And you need to clean the blood off of you. I don’t know if he would have contracted anything, but he was…”

Five hadn’t even thought about that, how the man’s blood could have easily gotten either one of them sick. “Yeah, I’ll go take a shower now. Oh, fuck. We shouldn’t have sex until I get tested, actually. I’m sorry. I know it’s our birthday.” 

She blinked. “I mean, technically, you have the capability to time travel.”

“Are you implying that I would time travel back after I’ve gotten test results so we can have gross birthday sex on the night of?”

Vanya blushed, “Well, yeah.” 

“You’re a genius, and I love you.” 

Vanya’s eyes grew wide, and Five realized what he had just said. Panicking, he stepped back, but she grabbed onto his hands. “Wait, don’t. Don’t go just yet.”

He screwed his eyes shut. “You don’t… I don’t expect you-“

“I love you too.” 

Five opened his eyes. “You do?”

“Yeah, Five, I do.” She squeezed his hands. “And I really, really hate that we  _ can’t _ even acknowledge that.”

“I’m sorry,” he grimaced. “I should have-“

“No, it’s okay,” she said gently. “You’d be able to use your power though? To go back?”

He nodded. 

“You’re not going to go back to before we said that though?”

He frowned. “No, I wouldn’t do that. We could, ah. Talk? After I shower?”

“Would it make sense if I just forget about the conversation?”

“Honestly, it might make it easier for me to know that if I completely fail at talking about this that I’ll be able to have another chance in a week or so?”

She smiled, “Okay, yeah, we’ll talk after you shower.”

Which is how, forty five minutes later, they got into one of the longest and most honest conversations they’d had in years. Vanya admitted that she had been in love with him all of this time, blushing as she said the words but not cutting her gaze off from his. She explained that she had worried that he had blamed her for everything that he had gone through in the apocalypse. Knowing that he couldn’t risk not being entirely, completely honest, he told her that at one point, yes, he had felt upset towards her. As she had looked away, crestfallen, he explained that he had completely forgiven her the night of Icarus, that seeing her nearly gone from him had made him realize that he would do anything to ensure that she was safe, even if it meant possibly causing the end of the world multiple times over in the process. 

There was something to be said about just… having a conversation like this. It was like they had eased back into the role of when they were younger, were finally reaching that point again of trusting each other enough to say anything. As much as he enjoyed fucking her, this felt more real than any of those times when he had wondered, quite seriously, if when she left that time, it would be for good. Five knew that he was  _ not  _ going to erase this conversation entirely, not when he felt like they’d made more progress together in a few hours than they had in the entire rest of the time they had had since stopping the apocalypse. When he came back to her this next time around, he would still go back in time to see her reaction to the first time he said he loved her again, so he can fully appreciate it. He would, however, absolutely ensure that this conversation happened again.

Which led to him a week later, after he had officially gotten results that he was completely clean, doing just that, landing right before he said he loved her. She looked on in confusion at his body that probably, to her, would have just been entirely scrubbed clean of blood. 

“What did we talk about for me to convince you to actually do it?” Vanya asked, blinking.

“I love you,” Five said, setting his hand on her shoulders. “I love you, Vanya. I want us to talk about that, okay? Because you need to know the extent of what I would do for you if it made you happy and kept you safe.”

She was gaping at him, eyes wide in a way that made him, for a few seconds, ponder if he had somehow opened himself up into a parallel universe and had landed at some very inopportune time. He was just about to ask if she was actually even Vanya before she was kissing him urgently, pulling him to bed with his tie. As she walked backwards, he ensured she didn’t trip over her feet until he grew impatient, lifted her up quickly, and blinked them to his bed, landing on top of it and, without any thought, pulling off his clothes as she did her own. 

He stopped abruptly as he realized that he promised himself to have a conversation with Vanya. “We’re supposed to have a conversation,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her in accusation.

“We’ll talk right after this,” Vanya said. “And I’m betting the fact that you would voluntarily not have sex for it means that you’ve already had it anyways, so you can wait.”

Five frowned at her, but he didn’t argue once she started palming against him. He felt that maybe he should feel a little guilt there, for giving in so easily, but he knew that she would talk afterwards. 

And, well. Once her mouth was eagerly sinking down on his cock, no, he wasn’t going to object. He thrusted into the warmth of it, tangling his fingers into her hair and tugging it to guide her movements. It soothed the somewhat feral quality the past week had brought up inside of him, letting it fade away as his cum spilled inside of her throat. 

She pulled away, swallowing and wiping what had fallen from her mouth. 

She made a small noise, eyes growing panicked.

“What is it?” Five asked in confusion. 

“I didn’t say it back,” she said, ears turning pink. 

“Oh,” he breathed, sheepish. “It’s okay.”

“I  _ know _ that you probably have already heard me say it, but I love you too, Five.” She smiled softly at him, combing through his hair with her fingers. “I’ve loved you a really long time.”

He thought back to what he had said a week ago, to her conductor, about fucking her covered in that man’s blood. He remembered all the violent thoughts and urges he had suppressed within himself for so long that had led him to that moment. Vanya didn’t deserve that, though. She deserved to be cherished and cared for and  _ loved.  _

Five tried to separate Vanya from that side of himself because she brought out the  _ best  _ side of himself. He understood that, understood that he did not want to change that. 

When he touched Vanya then, he didn’t want to feel powerful or vengeful or any negative emotion. What he had with Vanya was sacred as the day they were born. There need be no bridge between them, truly, because he would go to her even if there was no direct path. 

When he wrapped her legs around him after working her up as he had desired before, waiting until she had been _commanding_ him to let her come, he pushed inside of her roughly but he held onto her and spoke to her with the gentleness reserved just for her.

They were made for each other. He did not know if that meant that he corrupted the good parts of her or if she had already had a darker side the entire time, but he couldn’t bring himself to dwell any further. Here they were, together, and he didn’t feel disgust with himself for the first time in a long time. No, he felt… better about himself. He felt a kindness extend towards himself that he had only shown for her, usually, and it was because she could still love him despite everything. 

As he thrusted inside of her, thumbing the sensitive bundle of nerves between her thighs, he told her some of what he wanted to say, leaving out the more upsetting aspects but letting her know all of the tender thoughts he’d had over this time together and their time apart. 

When he collapsed against her, she rolled them over so that she was on top of him. She was the only one who he had ever relinquished control with. His hands reached up and touched her, and she settled against him, grinding her hips against his own as she placed her palms against his chest for balance. 

His fingers pressed against her clit, feeling the way it made her clench around him tighter. He hissed at the sensation, closing his eyes while she fucked herself on top of him. She moved his hands off of her, gripping them and lacing their fingers together, asking him to open his eyes. When he did, watching the way her small breasts bounced at the frantic edge to her movements, she told him, “Nothing,  _ nothing,  _ would change the way I love you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!!! happy day one of kinktober!!! 🥳🎃🍂🍁
> 
> A super quick reminder that Fiveya week happens November 1st-November 7th, to check out the fivevanya tumblr for it, and it will have the following prompts: memories, dance/train, childhood, sparrow AU, guilt, endings/beginnings, and a free day.


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